


The Adventure of Tundra Boy and Little Johnny Frostbite

by aegicheezu



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 16:51:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11627769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aegicheezu/pseuds/aegicheezu
Summary: While searching for the Egg of Mantumbi, the boys find themselves trapped and at the mercy of the keepers of the Egg.A re-imagining of the love confession.





	1. come with us now, on a journey...

The wind blew with a fierceness that Howard didn’t think was possible; it tore at his face like claws. _Christ, it’s nippy out,_ he thought sarcastically. He took out his voice recorder. “Howard’s log, day 3: We’ve made some good progress, following in Biggie’s footsteps using his journal,” he paused for effect, “I think it won’t be long before we come back with the Egg.”

Howard’s narration was interrupted. “Howard, would you stop it with that thing and help me build this snowman!” Vince’s voice bellowed loudly across the frozen land.

Snapped out of his adventure fantasy and sighing, Howard shoved the recorder back into his parka. “I wish you’d take this a bit more seriously,” he reprimanded Vince, who was trying – and failing – to sculpt a face onto his creation.

“Oh stop complaining and join me,” Vince lobbed a snowball at Howard and hit him in the back.

“Oy! That hurt!”

“As if,” Vince joked, “Your parka’s so bulky I bet you wouldn’t feel a dozen snowballs flung at you.”

“Just quit it with Frosty over there will you,” Howard grinned, despite his annoyance. “Help me with the fire, right?”

“Alright, alright,” Vince agreed.

*

By the time night had fallen, the men had knocked up their tents and were laughing in front of their fire, swapping stories that grew more and more outlandish with every passing hour. Vince had almost begun to run out of Charlie stories when he noticed Howard looking far away.

“What’s up, Howard?”

As if brought back into focus, Howard blinked a few times. “Hmm?”

“You were miles away just then, mate,” he offered his flask. “Go on, have a bit.”

“Thanks,” Howard took it and drank a little, wincing. “What is this?!”

“Brandy and fruit punch.”

“It’s disgusting!” Howard laughed, but took another small sip. It may have been gross, but it was warming. He smiled. Vince laughed.

“This whole thing is insane, you know,” Vince said after a while.

“What, this?” Howard gestured widely at the expanse of whiteness around them. “Yeah, I suppose it is.” _It’s certainly one of the stranger things we’ve gotten up to,_ Howard thought.

“What will you do if we find the Egg, Howard?” Vince asked.

“You mean ‘when,’ little man, when. We’re on the right track, I feel it in my bones!” Howard puffed out his chest.

“Right, right. When,” Vince corrected himself.

“Oh, I dunno. Retire, focus on my writing,” Howard replied wistfully. “What about you?”

“I’d quite like to get into fashion design, actually,” Vince said. “Develop my own label, you know.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Howard smiled. “Though, that’s the first I’ve heard of that particular dream, Vincey.”

“I’ve kept it under my hat for a while, I guess.” Vince smiled his crooked smile. “Didn’t want you thinking it was just a passing fancy.”

“Hey now,” Howard was hurt. “I wouldn’t do that.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Vince reminded him. “But it’s okay Howard, I know how changeable I am. Must be exhausting trying to keep up with me, hey?”

Howard studied Vince’s face in the firelight. Somehow, he seemed older. Calmer, maybe? Howard couldn’t tell, exactly. “Now, now, little man,” he started, then correcting himself, said, “Vince. I’m sorry for the times I’ve not taken you seriously.”

“D’you really mean that, Howard?”

“Course I do.” _We’ve traveled to the bloody ends of the earth together; doesn’t that show you how much I value you?_ He thought.

“Didn’t mean to bring down the mood, Howard,” Vince smiled again. “I guess you were right, when you said that out here, a man’s all alone with his thoughts. It gets pretty loud, that way.”

Howard smiled back. “That’s true.” Sighing deeply and making a big show of groaning as he stretched, getting up, he continued, “Shall we turn in and do it all over again tomorrow? We’ve got lots of ground to cover, little man.”

“Yeah, alright.” Vince followed Howard into their tent.

*

“Howard,” Vince stage-whispered, rather loudly. “Howard.” No answer. “Howard. Howard. Howard.”

“What, Vince?!” Howard hissed, his back turned to the other man.

“Hah! Knew you were awake.”

“How could I be asleep, with you counting sheep out loud, eh?” Howard shot back, laughing.

“I’m cold, Howard.” Vince said softly. “Could you share your fur blanket with me?”

“Alright, alright,” Howard agreed. “C’mere,” He turned to face Vince and spread part of his blanket over him. “I warned you about that thin suit, didn’t I?” He couldn’t stifle a grin as he observed Vince’s chattering teeth.

“Oh, shut up,” Vince hissed back playfully. “It’s cold without the fire going.” He snuggled right up against Howard before the other man could object. _Softer than he looks_ , Vince thought.

“Aren’t you a bit… close?” Howard’s voice betrayed a little discomfort.

“But it’s cold, Howard!” Vince smiled up at Howard. “Give us a cuddle, ya grump.” He joked. Snaking his arms around Howard’s frame, they settled into each other, Howard mumbling something about Vince being a big baby, but not pushing him away.


	2. a spot of bother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While searching for the Egg of Mantumbi, the boys find themselves trapped and at the mercy of the keepers of the Egg. 
> 
> A re-imagining of the love confession.

The pair woke with a start, suddenly very much aware that they were no longer in their tent.

Instead, they sat back to back, strapped to a pillar of ice. It was dark.

“Howard, what they hell---“

“Vince, what’s happened?” they spoke at once. Howard instinctively reached out for Vince’s hand, desperately trying to wriggle his fingers enough to loosen the ropes. He brushed Vince’s fingertips with his own and felt an immediate wave of relief. He couldn’t see Vince’s face, but at least that small touch was enough.

“Howard, I’m scared…” Vince whispered in the darkness. “What’s happened?”

Before Howard could respond, there was a flash of bright white light.

“WE ARE THE KEEPERS OF THE EGG,” a voice boomed. Vince and Howard looked around frantically for the source. Before them stood a small hooded figure. If they hadn’t been scared out of their minds, they would have laughed at the miniature apparition. “YOU HAVE COME TO STEAL IT FROM US.”

“We – we – we’re just passing through!” Vince explained. “We don’t want your blasted Egg!”

“THAT IS A LIE!” The hooded figure interrupted. “WE HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOU.”

“Don’t kill me!” Howard cried out, “I’ve got so much to give!” He once again reached out to try and grasp Vince’s hand. He felt Vince’s long fingers searching for his, and took them, frenzied.

“Howard, I don’t want to die!” Vince sniveled.

“YOU WILL BE EXECUTED AT DAWN!” The hooded figure took no notice of its captive’s whimpering, and vanished just as suddenly as it had appeared.

“Vince…” Howard breathed after a few moments of thunderous silence, “I don’t know how we’re going to get out of this one, little man…”

Vince craned his neck to try and look at Howard in his periphery. “Howard, I don’t want to die.” He said softly.

“This is certainly a pickle,” Howard replied, trying desperately not to cry; but his voice cracked and betrayed the worry he felt. “I don’t want it to be the end for us either.” How the hell are we going to get out of this?

After a moment, Howard said quietly, “I love you, Vince.”

“You what?” Vince laughed nervously. He turned in Howard’s direction, still unable to see his face.

“We may not get out of this alive, little man, I’m trying to tell you I love you!” Howard couldn’t hide his annoyance.

“Alright, alright, I love you too.” Vince laughed. He swallowed hard.

“No you don’t,” Howard shot back, “You’re just saying it because I said it first and we’re gonna die.”

“I do love you!” Vince said, defensively. “I do, alright?” He added softly. “Honest.”

Howard was silent a moment. “What, really?”

Vince sighed, as if readying himself for a big reveal. “Yeah, alright? Since we was kids at school.” He smiled, despite the circumstances. “Since you beat up those bullies for stealing my silver-painted shoes back in Year 8, remember that?”

“Oh, yeah,” Howard chuckled. “I do remember that.” Looking down at the ice and snow beneath him, he inhaled sharply. “You’re…” he paused. “You’re not having one last laugh at me before we die, are you?”

Vince smiled. “No, Howard. Honest. I love you, you berk.”

Howard chuckled again. “Since we’re being honest, Vincey,” he said, “I really do love you too.”

“Too late, I suppose,” Vince replied, sounding defeated. “I’ve never kissed a man with a moustache before, that would have been fun.”

They laughed, albeit uneasily.

“I’m sorry about always being so rotten to you, Vince.” Howard confessed.

“It’s alright, Howard. I’m a right tit a lot of the time, ain’t I.” Vince replied, cursing the fact that he couldn’t see Howard’s face. “And while we’re airing everything out,” he continued, “I’m sorry to have always teased your fashion sense, and your hair, and your jazz collection, and---”

“Alright, alright, little man, that’s quite enough,” Howard interjected. “…but thanks.”

“So…” Vince started, bouncing his legs in worry, “…have you got a clever plan to get us out of here before the wee furry thing comes back to kill us?”

“I’m thinking, alright?”

Silence.

“Oh!” Vince exclaimed suddenly. “That polar bear I met!”

“What?”

“When you were cross with me the other night and chucked me out the tent,”

“Sorry about that.”

“Anyway, I met this polar bear and we hung out for a bit. He could get us out!”

“Brilliant, Vince. But how will he know where we are?” Howard said, sarcastically. 

“Maybe he’ll follow my scent! Or something…”

“Oh, lord…”

“Shut up, it could work!” Vince laughed.

“I don’t think he’s coming, Vince. We need a real plan.”

They sighed.

“We could…” Vince pondered out loud, “we could… try to melt this pillar thing a little?”

“What, and wriggle out of the ropes?”

“Yeah, why not?”

Howard thought for a moment. “Yeah… that might work actually. Let’s give it a go.”

The men started to rock back and forth like pendulums where they sat, hoping to rub away at the surface of the block of ice they were tied to. After a little while, Howard suggested they try bumping into the pillar with their backs, to weaken the whole thing further. Little by little, they felt the ropes began to loosen.

“Almost there!” Vince exclaimed.

“Just a little more…!” Howard grinned. “I can almost free my hand!”

They continued jostling against the pillar of ice until at last, the ropes had slackened enough that Vince, in his skintight ski suit, could free himself. He scrambled over to Howard and began to help him squirm out of the ropes.

“Quick, Vince, help me!”

“This parka is too big Howard, why did you have to bring it!?” Vince frantically tried to loosen him from the pillar.

“Come on, come on!” Howard hissed. “That furry thing will be back any second!”

“Alright, alright! I’m going as fast as I can…! There! You’re free!” Vince finally loosed Howard from the ropes, and before he could take another jab at Howard’s bulky fur parka, he was surprised with a kiss. Howard took Vince’s face in both hands and pressed his ice-cold lips to his; Vince, completely taken aback, sighed into the embrace.

After a moment, he said softly, “so that’s what it’s like.”

“What is?” Howard asked, catching his breath.

“Kissing a bloke with a moustache.” Vince smiled. “I wasn’t messing around, Howard. I do love you.”

“So do I, Vince. Always have.” The pair looked at each other, and laughed. “Now, let’s get the hell out of here before we get killed!”

*

“That’s a wild story, boys, I don’t believe a word of it,” Naboo said, sipping his tea. “But I’m glad you got your whole relationship mess sorted out. Bollo and I were thinking of staging a bloody intervention.” He shot a sideways glance at Bollo.

“Bollo glad Vince finally confessed his feelings,” Bollo said in his low hum.

“Yeah, so am I,” Vince agreed, arm around Howard on the couch. “But, we never did find the egg.”

“Well, little man, I think you’ll agree we found something more precious than that,” Howard mused. Vince rolled his eyes, but smiled despite himself.

“What’s that Howard, was it love?” he continued.

“These cool shades at the Duty Free!” Howard produced a pair of sunglasses from his pocket, grinning at his joke. “But yeah, love, too.” He playfully pecked Vince on the cheek.

“Get a room, you two,” Naboo deadpanned.


End file.
